I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
