Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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