She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
