The maid of honor just puked.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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