i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
