i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
