I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
