Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
