You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
