I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
