Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize