Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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