hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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