my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
