I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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