weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
