Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Couch. On fire.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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