Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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