You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
