next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize