All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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