I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
