Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
