I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
