this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
