just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
