why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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