You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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