She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
