So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
