WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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