i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
