I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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