so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
