i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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