I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize