He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
