i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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