We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my poor anus
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
