Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
