At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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