thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
