I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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