i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I want a musical about memes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
