I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
