Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
