Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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