So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my shit smells like andre
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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