i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
