You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
