sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
