Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
