i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
