we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
