have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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