Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
