I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
