he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize