There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
