Can Purell be used as lube?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
