that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
