So drunk its hurt
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
