Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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