I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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