ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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