After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
