Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
