i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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