The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize