So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
