I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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