Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
