I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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