so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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