i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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