Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize