a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
