The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
