What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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