but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
