I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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