Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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