Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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