I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
