Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
