I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my liver is dry heaving
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize