Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
