Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
