the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
God I need to hump something, right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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