I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
