one two three fourrrrnication!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
