She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize