Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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