We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
