My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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