you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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