I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
